A Cigar Is - Oh, Never Mind

They said all you have to do
Is follow the bouncing Betty, I mean ball,
Well now, maybe it was something else.
Oh yeah, read the teleprompter, they said,
If you lose your way, I mean, place
On the straight and narrow path
The Lord ass-kicked me into taking
And here I am in front of the cameras again
Trying to explain that when I was a young man,
I didn’t worry about tomorrow.
I was very fortunate.
Sorrow had never knocked on my door
And if it had, I wouldn’t have answered.
I had enough on my plate of grits,
Well, ok, whatever it was
Was on a plate.
I hate to rush you
But I have matters of State to attend to
So you’d better get on with it
And ask the question you’ve been dying to, uh, um—
Ask?
Wait a minute, I will say
Sometimes a kiss is justa kiss, uh,
Or is it a cigar?
Well, you know what I mean.
You’ve seen it on the news
Just like I have.
I sure didn’t read it in the paper.
I don’t have the patience for it.
I like somebody to read to me;
It helps me focus on the important things
Like—uh, what was I just saying?

I’m kinda preoccupied right now.
Got a lot on m’plate.
Did I say that already?
You can’t make hay without, you know—Grass?
Sometimes when you have a date with destiny,
You run a little late,
But you get there.
There’s no disgrace in that.
I think the disgrace would be if I let a buncha—
Uh, let someone tell me how to govern.
I have the best teacher anyone could.
I don’t have to tell you, well, maybe I do,
I started at the top of my game,
Well, both of them.
See these hands.
Steady as the rock of ages.
That’s all you need to know.
Can I go now?
I mean I can go now.
Ok, ok, one question. What’s that?
Sorry, we’re out of time
And we all know time waits for no man.
Put that in your pipe and toke, I mean
Smoke it.

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